How I Became a Matchmaker.

I’m often asked how I got into the matchmaking industry, this universe still so little known and so mysterious, which often makes me the center of attention at a party or at a dinner, at the risk of even being a little embarrassing. The truth is that like Obelix I fell into it when I was little, and a bit by accident. After 5 years of study at Sciences Po in France and England, I arrived in Brussels, with a double master’s degree in International Relations in my pocket, to “change the world”. I was supposedly part of the “Elite of my Nation”. Alas, it turns out that the reality on the ground turned out to be very different: my first job, I found myself making many photocopies and serving coffee to people in the European quarter of Brussels, lobbyists, diplomats, but above all people who, I thought, did not do much.

What a disappointment, what a deception. All this for that? One day, when I couldn’t get up to go to work despite a comfortable salary, I decided that leaving was a matter of survival. Two weeks of sick leave, that was my deadline to find a new meaning in my life. After ten days and after a frantic sending of CVs, I was recruited by a global travel operator looking for multilingual people to work internationally. After two days I was hired and didn’t hesitate for a second. Two weeks later, I left my Brussels office with my suitcase in front of my colleagues open-mouthed, and flew to Madeira, in the middle of the Atlantic, where I would spend the next 8 months selling excursions, and swimming with dolphins.

One day, when I couldn’t get up to go to work despite a comfortable salary, I decided that leaving was a matter of survival. Two weeks of sick leave, that was my deadline to find a new meaning in my life. After ten days and after a frantic sending of CVs, I was recruited by a global travel operator looking for multilingual people to work internationally. After two days I was hired and didn’t hesitate for a second. Two weeks later, I left my Brussels office with my suitcase in front of my colleagues open-mouthed, and flew to Madeira, in the middle of the Atlantic, where I would spend the next 8 months selling excursions, and swimming with dolphins. The reading of the book “Bullshit jobs” by the Canadian philosopher (now deceased, peace be to his soul) turned mechanic David Graeber was the detonator. It was decided, I would not come back to work in a place without meaning. The years that followed were those of many professional experiments, ranging from marketing employee for a large French group – an equally catastrophic experience – to associate professor in sociology. Almost every year, I changed jobs and my parents were always a little ashamed in society when they were asked “and Marjorie what is she doing right now ?”

Then came the big day. I will always remember it. It was summer, and I was enjoying my first big vacation as a teacher, the long-awaited Holy Grail for any teacher. Loving my job, but already disgusted with the way the teaching staff is treated (precariousness, instability of contracts…), I found myself scrolling in my bed on this little gold mine that is LinkedIn. It was then that I came across the ad of “Private Matchmaker” for a prestigious international dating agency. It was a question of becoming the right-hand man for the Belgian subsidiary. The announcement was brief, mysterious. “Do you have high emotional intelligence and listening skills? If you have a passion for romantic and human relationships, then this job is for you.” Intrigued and rather playful, I clicked on “Apply”, “for fun”. Then I put all that aside. A few weeks had passed when I received a call from a lady with a precious voice, which at first made me smile. She wanted to meet me. She arranged to meet me in a beautiful Brussels hotel. A teacher at the time, I was in training in Brussels that day and when you are a teacher in training, you have to be comfortable, so it was jeans and a T-shirt. Out of propriety, I warned her.  “No problem,” she tells me. So, with Dr Martens sandals on my feet, I prepared to go to an interview for the job that would change my life.

Despite our difference in style, the match was instantaneous.  “When can you start”? She had the open-mindedness to trust me, even if my codes were different. This is how the story began. And what a story. !

What it means to be a Matchmaker

A Matchmaker is in a nutshell a person who connects two individuals with the potential to bring them into a romantic relationship, preferably lasting. It has been practiced in all cultures and for thousands of years: among Jews, Indians, Muslims but also in our ancestral Western cultures. Our elders, great-grandparents, uncles and aunts, also occupied this role in our ancestral Western cultures, such as my great-grandmother from Aveyron who, always in a gentle and benevolent way, advised young people of marriageable age about their associations. In the context of my job, the social environment of my clients in which I entered was particularly high. Far from being democratic, the high price of membership made it possible to select a clientele on the edge: very educated, very high-end, very cosmopolitan. Very quickly, I swapped my Dr Martens sandals for heels, and a suit, always respecting my identity. Have I betrayed “my caste”? “It’s disgusting, it’s so elitist,” I heard. Well, I don’t think so. It’s pure endogamy, but my as my sociology teacher had in my 1st year at Sciences Po, love rarely escapes determinism. I will come back to the subject.

I had no idea what I was getting into. But one thing is certain: I have never regretted this choice and this job was the most beautiful thing that happened to me and that had an impact on my life in many ways. My first interview, called “intake” in the jargon as a Matchmaker, was with my colleague. We were about to receive G. At just 40 years old, G. was a rebel of life. Coming from a large Belgian family from the nobility, G. rejected practically everything from his social background and did not recognize himself in the rallies and other events intended to make him meet the right wife who would allow him to perpetuate the family fortune and ensure descendants. Clumsy and uncomfortable, he was an imposing man, with a certain charm but seemed rather lost, which was touching. Although he took care of the family investments, his passion remained that of the theatre. He had recently acquired one and took pleasure in financing various shows. I immediately perceived that he was trying to get out of his environment. He needed an intelligent, educated woman, but from another culture. A few weeks later, I introduced him to A., a beautiful young woman, initially a graduate of SOAS in London in Anthropology and the leader of an NGO. G. and A. now live between England, Belgium and Africa, one child has been born and the second is on the way. If a Matchmaker or a so-called expert talks to you about “matching science” as can be seen in some shows that I will refrain from quoting, it’s simply hot air. Being a good matchmaker is all about instinct. It’s feeling people. It is having a passion for their history, their experience and feeling a powerful intuition that pushes us to a vision of partner for our client. At my international level, which I work on, it also means having an important general culture to be able to understand an individual, his culture, his references.  The fact that I have lived in 8 countries and speak 5 languages is an undeniable asset. I haven’t changed jobs for 5 years. Beyond a profession, being a Matchmaker is more than a vocation for me. It’s an identity. Soon, I will continue to share my teachings with you, because it is also a real human laboratory.

Warmly,

Marjorie